Empty Nest

My son, Ed, left Michigan this week to live in Austin, Texas. Even though he has said for years that he will be leaving Michigan as soon as he could, it is still a wrench. This is the first time in all of his 24 years that he is living more than 40 miles away, and I find that there is an Ed-sized hole in me, a sort of metaphorical equivalent to how I felt inside the first couple of weeks after he was born.

Having a baby is an interesting experience. Things happen to your body that you wouldn't have thought possible and over which you have no control. You can't do things you used to be able to do. During the pregnancy, I occasionally found myself resenting some of the restrictions that this baby was already putting on my life. I also remember those childbirth movies we saw as part of the pre-natal classes and thinking, "I'm not doing that." Of course, that's just silly. And the baby was quite welcome. But there have been moments...

The thing about gestation is that it rearranges your insides. The baby may start out smaller than the eye can see, but it sure doesn't end up that way. In the process, in between those weird Zumba sessions in your belly, it slowly shoves aside things that were pretty well settled in their locations. The baby is the boss of the local real estate. (This is true after birth, as well!) As a result, after the baby vacates the premises, everything kind of rattles around until it settles back down to at least an approximation of the pre-baby norm. I found it to be peculiar and a bit unsettling, and ultimately just the way things are.

Ed is living his life in a way that works for him. He is taking risks and handling things. He seems settled into a relationship. He has a firmly-established idea of where he wants to go professionally, which helps focus his present efforts. I am immensely proud of the young man that baby has become.

Still, I am sad, and I insist that I be allowed to be sad as long as I need to be. Support and understanding are welcome, of course. Just don't cheat me out of my passage through this transition. Soon enough, I will emerge. I am well on the way.

I think I will go online and check out airfares to Austin.